The Sheltered Life

I grew up very sheltered. My siblings and I had no room for our own of anything. The way we dressed, styled our hair, spoke, ate, what friends we had, what we did after shool and the weekends, what we watched on tv, and everything else my mom controlled. We were not allowed to speak unless asked a direct question and if we did not know the answer or let alone understand the question, an answer was created for us. Regardless if it made no sense what so ever or never crossed our minds. Basically it was her way and her way only. We were not allowed to talk about what happened in our house because “what is done in this house stays in this house. It is noones business and they are only being nosey”.

I agree with some aspects of the way we were raised and others I disagree with. It was not until I got older and experienced certain things that helped me realize that we were sheltered and that it can hinder. I do not process certain things as others do, I am ignorant to a lot, and oblivious to more. An example of the sheltered life being good, we were not allowed to wear make up and we dressed conservative. My mom use to stress “you have to leave something for the imagination. If you show everything, there is no mystery and guys will assume you want to be treated a certain way because you show all skin even your sacred skin”. I am 23 and have never worn make up. I would love to spice it up a little but I feel like it is deceiving. These days people do go over board. Make up was made to enhance the best feature, not make yourself look like a totally different person. I have a closet full of clothes and do not wear more than half of them. I feel uncomfortable wearing sleeveless shirts, shorts, and skirts. I prefer to be fully covered. If I wear short sleeve shirt, I have to wear jeans. If it is hot and I decide to wear shorts and sleeveless shirt, I wear tennis shoes. It may seem crazy. I do not want to feel like im intising anyone and I do not agree with a lot of todays “fashion”.

I have a head full of hair and would love to try new styles. I have never worn a weave, wig, or tried different styles. I love pony tails and will straighten my hair but that is about it. I have gotten into wearing braids when I am going to vacation and will not want to spend timw doing my hair daily. Other than thag I am a simple Sally or plain Jane. My mom took care of too many kids to pay for hair styles, let alone extensively do our hair.

Onto something more serious. There are plenty of people my age and younger who are lose with their bodies and have one or more children. I am not discriminating or judging anyone but without the proper guidance, discipline, knowledge, and teachings things do happen whether unexpected or not. My mom took our phones at 8 o’clock and either locked them up in her room, or put them in the kitchen. Her reasoning “noone has anything good to say after 8 o’clock and your not going to be up talking to boys.” We were not allowed to have boyfriends. Sure, we called ourselves having boyfriends at school but they were never anything serious. They couldn’t be. We were not allowed to have friends over or even hang out with friends outside of school. I can’t date anyone I can’t even hang out with or even have you meet my parents. I know plenty of people male and female who experimented with all kinds of things, have 2 children maybe 3 and I know they did not have the propler guidance. I am not saying I am better than anyone or that I was brought up better but it does have a major part to play in how they are living their lives. We were taught to find a Christian man and to wait until marriage to have children. In school we were taught if you can’t wait, use protection. They are conflicting, but at least their to help and protect for what we may not be ready for.

My mom did not have men in and out of the house. She did not even have one. We grew up with “motherly love” only. We did not have a great example of what marriage is, true love is, what couples go through, arguing and making up, being ourselves within a relationship, or even doing our part in a relationship whatever “our part” is. I do struggle in my relationship, I feel like everyone does, but mine is a different struggle. I am naturally lazy and I was used to being independent. For a successful relarionship, I have to get out of my lazy ways, have a get up and get started can do attitude. I also am not as independent as I was because I have help and I have to use my creative side and step outside the box.

I am nonchalant. I am quiet. I feel my voice is deep and not girly. I tend to be passive. Growing up, we had no say so.  We did not talk back, and I felt my opinion did not matter. It is habbit to stay quiet because you never knew what was going to happen when we spoke. I have a “tone” some people say or an “attitude” in my voice. I do not mean to, but it is not a habbit for me to speak let alone hear what I sound like. Sometimes I have absolutely nothing to say, other times I have a lot to say. I have always been told in school that it is easy for me to be misunderstood do to my word choice and the order of them. I was told to think before I speak. In my house you had no time to think, if tou did not speak in a second- disciplined. It was looked at as being disrespectful. In my head, what I am saying makes perfect sense, others do not or feel offended, some even think I am dumb or sound stupid. Staying quiet is my best bet. Sometimes I prefer to stay quiet because things happen to cause opinions to change and I do not want to be a hypocrite. When people find our where I am frim, their suprised by how calm and quiet I am. And I tell them it is not always where you are from, but how you are raised.

My sisters ans brothers were my best friends. I had friends at school, but I was left out a lot because I was not allowed to go out and they knew eachother from previous schools. I always felt like an outcast. The people I could always rely on were my siblings because we lives together. It is not habbit for me to keep in contact with anyone because we did not have the means to. When I got a phone it spent more time in my moms room then it did with me. There was always an excuse to take it so I got to the point where I did not even use it when I did have it. At the end of the day if I was having a bad day I knew I was going home and someone was going to make me laugh and forget about it. We all went through the same things so it was easier to talk to them about it then our mom. It was easier to open up with eachother, get advice from one another, teach one another because our teacher was SHELTERED HERSELF. The sheltered life has protected me froma lot, and has also hindered me. There is a lot more that comes with the sheltered life, i’ll touch upon that another day. I am not ready to open up about that just yet. But when I do, be prepared and do not be judgmental.

When I do have children I have no clue what kind of parent I will be. I have not had the best example. I do know that I will be open minded and make sure my children and talk about anything and everything. Find out what they like and what they do not like.  Allow them to be themselves, figure themselves out with some of my help and their fathers help. Not be ridiculously strict because they will only learn how to undermine me. I will shelter them from what they are not ready for but when the time is right, I will teach them.

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