23 & Growing

I was never the child that sat around wishing to be older. I honeslty went through life not thinking about life. I did not think about tomorrow but I did hold on to yesterday, especially if yesterday was eventful or just over all a great day. 2015  is when life really hit me in the face. I was a fresh 21 any my life felt like it was over and it was only just beginning. I went through a rough time. I lost a great job and went through the struggle. It was not my last time but it hit me the hardest because it was the first time. I had to figure out how I was going to pay my bills and I had moved out from under my fathers wing and branched out on my own.

I began to think about childhood. Although mine was not the prettiest, I do have a lot of great memories and it was easier being a child- no real responsibilities. All my meals were paid for by someone else, I did not have to worry about electricity, not having hot water, not having reliable transportation, not knowing where I was going to lay my head at night. It was my parents responsibility to make sure all of that was taken care of. There were times where I went without but it was not my struggle. Not having to think about that has put a hinderance on my overall perception on life. I can admit that am premature to life and what it intels. Every day I do learn something new, I have to. To avoid being stuck in a false transe.

I am still trying to figure out what my purpose is and what it is that I want to do with my life. I used to think I was alone in this boat, but I am not. I am now 23 and there are plenty of 20 year olds, 30 year olds, and 40 year olds that I know who are struggling with the same. I do not want to obtain the older ages and have no clue so I am tightening down on it now. My point is that I have a long life ahead of me and it is not guaranteed that I will ever figure it out but I am going to try with all my might.

With the struggles I have gone through, I do feel like I have been 23 for the past 5 years. I was 18 at the age of 16 when my mother decided to kick me out. I moved in with my father and life only seemed to move quicker. I went from having a definite way to school to sometimes not knowing if I was going to be able to go to school for a week. I had to pay my own half of the bills without having a job. Sometimes I did not eat because no one was cooking and I did not have my own money. I was 21 at the age 18. I finally got my drivers license and my first car so that was no longer a stressor. I had a means of getting around. I got a job and worked full time so I was then able to pay my way. I attended college full time also. I figured out how to balance my moms side of the family and my dads side of the family. It was difficult starting off being that they were the exact opposite in every aspect. Can I say ultimate stress? Well, I thought that was ultimate stress. I have been 23 for not even a whole month and my responsibilities have tripled. But I am more aware of life. I have to be. I have see, experienced, and done too much not to be. Here’s to 23 and no longer being “sleep” .

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